The pain I once carried was from being sexually assaulted. People couldn’t see it from the outside because of my bright personality, but I remember the nights with panic attacks, breathlessness, and tears, not understanding why all of a sudden I couldn’t control my racing heart and mind. These moments, although not often, always occurred when I was alone - a reminder that I couldn’t run away from my pain forever.

When life treats you harshly, you understand that you’ve lived more life than most people. That burden made me feel even more isolated. But when I finally gave my pain a voice and let myself listen, my brain changed from running to letting go. Running put time and distance between the panic attacks; letting go freed me from them.

So, when I said I remembered those nights vividly, that was the truth. I remember the motions of it but no longer the feeling. How did I let go? Training became my place of peace to retrain my mind and nervous system. As I began to understand my own body pains from scoliosis after a car accident, I was able to reapply the same lessons to the other pains in my life.